So, it’s November, and the clocks have gone back, which always makes me feel terribly low and deflated.  The short dark days loom up in front of me as our national colour of battleship grey descends over us and seems to bed down for the foreseeable future and the sun peers over her duvet and thinks meh, can’t be arsed, see you in the spring.


So, my health is a bit blah at the moment, but it has not been the best for many years and I cope but I’m bored with having to remember to inject/ingest my medication every day. I’m bored having a back that tweaks and twinges almost on a daily basis.  I’m bored with not sleeping much past 4am during the week, and bored that a lie in for me at the weekend is rarely past 6:30am.


So, I’m feeling low.  Again.  And with that comes flooding back panicky feelings of inadequacy about me as a person, me as a friend, stupidness about me not having any friends (which I know is not true), my looks, every fucking thing.  And it’s ridiculous that I feel like this but I’m human and a pretty stupid one at that.


So, my work situation is a cunt.  I hate JL and AS for their part in what they have done to me and my boss.  Conniving bastards who need shooting.  I hate that my poor boss has now been signed off with stress but this has been brewing for a long, long time and she has been finally worn down to where her doctor has said enough.  I hate that NS has nothing between his legs and effectively needs to GROW A FUCKING PAIR and sort out what he promised us he would do as our manager seven months ago.  Really, does it not bother you that we effectively don’t have much of a job and you saying the crap you said last week has not helped our morale and motivation one little bit?  And now my boss is off, would you not consider it worth your while to have a little chat to me about the situation and give me some reassurance that we are not facing possible redundancy again for the third time?


So, me feeling like this was a very sudden thing and luckily I had a busy and enjoyable weekend, so was not sat at home moping and feeling like shit and you would never have known because I hid it well, but I’m bored of it now.


So, this is how I cope when I crash into a wall of fugg.  I can’t talk to people about my emotional state and quite frankly, would rather not.  To do that is an absolute last resort for me as I consider my problems to be incredibly trite and unimportant considering what others I know are going through.  I prefer to retreat within myself, work through my issues and write my thoughts down.  And now that I have this arena, I’ll place my thoughts here and let the universe deal with it how it sees fit.


So what? 

I’ll get over it and bounce back, because I always do.


2 thoughts on “So…

  1. I feel exactly the same in a lot of what you write; I think you should actually write professionally, I would love to do that but I have a big block on at the moment. Carry on you are a natural


    • Ahh, thank you. I don’t know that I have the confidence just yet to go all professional, but you are not the only one that has said that to me, so perhaps it is something that I should look into at some stage.

      I’m sorry that you have writers block at the moment, I really hope that it lifts soon as I am looking forward to reading what you will eventually write. I know it will be brilliant, as are you, my friend!


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