Burnt bridges…

Can burnt or broken bridges truly be mended?  Can we really forget the wrongs of the past and move on to be friends again with those with whom we had fallen out with?

I only ask because I recently had a request on FaceBook from someone who I was pretty close friends with over 10 years ago.  We fell out and never spoke to one another again.  I was OK about this and accepted everything, even laughed when she returned all the pictures of me that she had taken at various parties over the years.

I am not going to go into the specific details of what happened, and to be honest, I really can’t remember everything!  Suffice to say our friendship ceased to exist and we moved on.

So, imagine my surprise when I get a request from her to be an FB friend!  Truly surprised, yes.  She is one person I did not expect to hear from and I wonder why she is reaching out to me again.

I wasn’t sure it was really her at first as she has changed her name slightly but I checked her profile, and it is who I think it is.  I am almost tempted to contact her to ask why she wishes to connect with me, albeit through a social networking site.

I am not adverse to reestablishing contact with someone, if we had just drifted apart, but someone with whom I fell out with, I am not sure.  When this happens, we move on, we assign that person to the past and our memories, and I have to admit that I am not always comfortable being friends again with people after we burnt that bridge, although I have done it and the friendship has worked out better than before.

I know that I should reach out, and believe me when I say this, I bear this person no ill feelings at all.  I hope that she is happy and healthy and has a good life (yes, I realise that sounds a bit sanctimonious but it comes from a good place!).  Part of me is flattered that she wants to connect with me again, but, equally, the cynical side of me wonders what her motives are in doing so.

I will ponder a bit on what I do now and leave her in the pending tray for a bit longer.  I might send her a message first and see how that goes.  Perhaps I should look at my other post on friendship again…!

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Friendship is a sheltering tree – Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Are you a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime?  Pay attention to what you read.  After you read this, you will know the reason it was sent to you!

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They may have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are!  They are there for the reason you need them to be.  Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. Sometimes they die. What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. Your need has been answered, and now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it!  It is real!  But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. 

The above text was given to me by a friend many moons ago and it struck a chord with me.  I don’t know who wrote it but I have seen it repeated many times over the years, in blogs and websites etc. so it obviously strikes a chord with many people.

When we bond with someone, we hope that the bond stays strong for a long time.  What we don’t know is how long we will get to be in that person’s life and vice versa.  That is the great friendship lottery we freely enter into!

I have had people come into my life for a reason, a season and most beneficial of all, a lifetime.  I have been sad when people have walked away from me and perhaps others might have been when I abandoned their friendship.  Sometimes I have had to do that because the friendship had become toxic and I have a strong example of that happening with one person on two occasions.  We can blame many things for a friendship fizzing out (work, family etc.).  Sometimes it can be nothing at all and the friendship naturally dies.

I don’t bear any ill towards those who I am no longer friends with, things happen and people change.  Perhaps they were simply angered by something I said or did.  I know that the person I referred to above has said nasty things about me to other people because I ended our friendship.  Hopefully, in time he will come to understand my reasons and accept that he is in part, responsible for my reaction.

My closest friend, P, is someone I have known for 30 years now, which is a lifetime in itself!  We may not see each other that often and we rarely talk on the telephone but we are both comfortable knowing that we have each other.  She is not the sort of person to send slushy stuff but her birthday and Christmas cards and emails to me often reflect friendship and how happy she is to have me as one of hers.  I would be very upset to lose her and I have to admit, that I would have been cross if she had not chosen me as one of her bridesmaids or one of her daughter’s godmothers!

We get angry with people along the way and declare that we never want to see them again but you know what, life really is too short to bear grudges or hate people, especially once the initial anger and hurt has gone, and I know that someday there is a strong possibility that I will be friends again with people I had parted ways with previously.

P.S.  I still haven’t come to a final decision re the pen friend I refer to in this post.  Perhaps she falls into the Reason category and our acquaintance will no longer continue.

Goodbye 2011

So, there are only a few hours left until 2011 wanders off into the sunset for good.

This is always a time of reflection for me as I look back at the waning year and the events that have happened, especially as this year has been an up and down one for me for various reasons and for many other people I know. Some have suffered more than others and some are still suffering and will take their pain into 2012.

Despite that, I always have a spark of optimism that the new year will provide better opportunities for me, that my family and friends will be happy and healthy and not have any traumas to deal with. On the downside, a stupid part of me has that spark of sadness that the old year has not proven itself to be what I had hoped and set it up to be.

The main amazing thing for me was joining Twitter as I have met some fabaroonie people through it, both in person and on the timelines. You lot are a wonderful bunch, but then you know that don’t you… *wanders off muttering about them being a right bunch of conceited so and so’s…*

Also, getting this blog off the ground is another achievement I am proud of. I enjoy writing it (even the sad ones as to me, they are a form of therapy) and I hope that people enjoy reading it.

However, I want to get serious for a moment and say that it never ceases to amaze me how easily humans can hurt those they love; I have done it and had it done to me on many occasions over the years. We tell ourselves that we didn’t mean to do it but we say and do things that show otherwise. We are insensitive to the other persons pain and we flaunt our new-found freedom with gay abandon ignoring what is happening to the one we leave behind. It is not really a good way to behave and does not show us in a good light but it is what we do. Look at yourselves if you have done this and know that there is someone who is hurting deeply and you have to own some of that pain if you are the cause of it. Know that they invested alot of time and energy into being with you; don’t be callous now that you are no longer with them. Be aware that they are grieving and need a bit of sensitivity from you to get over the initial hurdles of hurt, because hormones/emotions are a rancid collection of chemicals that can be the ultimate high when all is well, but are a living hell when not.

So, moving on from that, as midnight approaches, I always tell myself that next year, I will be a better person, I will try my best not to cause pain and say and do things that hurt those that I love. I will try to be a better daughter, sister, and friend to those around me. I will try not to dislike me and not be so negative about myself and accept that I am me, I am valuable and I have as much right to walk this earth as anyone else. I will try to think before I speak (yes, I might have a bit of trouble with this one, but I will try!) and not worry if our opinions differ.

Let us all try to be more caring towards each other, let us remember those that are more vulnerable than we are, remember those who feel that they have nowhere to turn to and offer that helping hand to them. Let them know that they are not alone. Let us be optimistic that 2012 will be OUR year and that we will feel happier and healthier throughout.

All that remains for me to say is that I want to wish you all a wonderful and Happy New Year, I want the best for you all and to those of you that I have met through Twitter, I value your friendships and look forward to lots more fun get togethers with you! Those I have not met, well 2012 can be the year where we try to rectify that. Those of you who are suffering, I wish you peace and serenity and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that you WILL get there.

Raise your glasses everybody…

Love, Bint xx

Note to self: when writing a blog in the early morning in your nightie, best to cover your legs as I am sure the people opposite didn’t want to see up my you-know-what at this time of day…