Things I won’t miss when I leave this place:
- Trying to log onto my computer at least four times most mornings when I come in.
- Mr Snort and Chew, the snorting meerkat and his revolting habit that makes me want to punch him.
- The Coughing Tramp, wears the same clothes day in day out, can’t clear up after himself when he makes a coffee, his revolting acid reflux noises that echos round the whole floor, caused by him drinking coffee. So stop it!
- The Drain, nice enough chap, but… Anyway, having to hear him record the same voicemail message everyday, albeit with a date change (why FFS?), and listening to him slurp and suck his breakfast sandwich (shudders).
- Mrs No, Didn’t Get It, Do It Again?, witters on and on about how busy she is but in the time she has wittered on, she could have got on and done it!
- The Back Stabbers from the 4th floor, yeah, there are a few of them, there are a few on the 3rd and 5th as well…
- Ms Smile Doesn’t Quite Reach Her Eyes. Never trusted her from the off, is a patronising so and so and a blatant billy liar.
- The building itself, functional office, but dull, dull, duller than dull. Those in charge of the move back in 2006, missed a real trick with this place and instead of giving it some pizzazz, they made it an exercise in beige/fawn/taupe/mushroom/dull.
- The office silos, worse now than they ever were before we moved.
- The fact that this organisation is so up its own arse and thinks it is the bees knees in the commercial world. News flash – YOU ARE NOT!
- Those who think that the coat cupboards are their personal wardrobes and regularly fill them with sundry dubious items (mostly in need of laundering) that they can’t be bothered to take home with them. Your clothes smell, deal with them!
- Clearing up after people at the kitchen area. Poor darlings! Let Aunty Bint do that for you; you are far too important to do something so menial as wiping up after you have made your drinks or washed your cup.
- Same goes for some “ladies” who when using the toilets suddenly become totally incapable of throwing the paper towel in the bin after drying their hands, or when changing the toilet roll, leave the empty tube in the cubicle instead of throwing it in the bin, and worst of all THOSE OF YOU WHO MIGHT FLUSH THE TOILET, BUT DON’T CHECK AFTERWARDS AND INSIST ON LEAVING A PARTING GIFT IN THE BOWL!
- JL – you are a fuckwit of the highest order.
- AS – Oh, I really can’t be bothered…
So, thanks for the past 21½ years, for the most part, it has been great and I will treasure those memories and people. The last six years – nah; on the whole, apart from a few people, I won’t miss those.
* lyrics from The Sound of Music